I don't know how Spuds does it.

Just 24 hours after putting in his 195th shift for the Accies, he's off in his white van to Monaco and grabs the first goal in Atletico Madrid's Super Cup win over Inter Milan. Go Steve!

Beadle, Rhino, Santa And Other Stories

Thought you might enjoy this match report courtesy of last night's opposition. Among other things, it continues the fine tradition of oppo match reports being less than complimentary about our not-first-choice keeper…

After some dubious convoy leading by Dave "I don't drive anything less than 90mph" Killick, the majority of the Queen Vic posse converged into the Crystal palce sports stadium car park, greeted by the excited faces of the rest of the team who'd already jizzed in their pants over the fantastic carpet like pitch we were about to play on.

After an impressive performance playing 3-5-2 at Sturry the previous week the management reverted back to 4-4-2 to accomodate the returning Sturry legends Rhodes and Harris, otherwise known as 80's tribute act 'Diamond knights'.
Vic started well with makeshift strike force of Killick and Sibbo causing problems up top & Ronnie "Say hello to my little friend' Cimino making some darting runs down the left wing in between arguing with celebrity referee "Rhino" who'd appeared as a gladiator on the popular ITV series of the same name from the early 90's.

Queen Vic took a deserved lead after a good bit of hassling from James "Crispy duck in Hoi sin sauce is not a starter" Sibley resulted in the ball falling nicely on the edge of the box for Andy "Oh I do like a baked potato, but please no mayonaise" Harris, to curl a left footer through the despairing withered "Beadle" hand of the CPFC keeper.
With the confidence flowing Vic should have gone further infront when Dave "The white John Barnes" Killick went clean through, only to see his shot rebound off the bar.
Windy was being well protected by the back four & it was only when a momentary lack of concentration from Dave "There is no difference between normal and high definition television pictures" Hulks who'd noticed a particularly attractive trans-gender long distance runner bending over on the side of the running track, that allowed the nipper winger to go through & the big shot stopper was called into action, picking the ball up off the floor with what looked like ease.

The pressure finally told and after a nice inswinging corner from Jon "Meow meow" Sutton Jones, the ball was bundled over the line by Jonny "Proctor" Moore.
Into the 2nd half and Warren started up top with Kyle who'd been picked up from Camden market on the way to the match, his mum had originally sent him out to buy some milk but the seven footer was conned into buying some magic beans which he'd eaten on the way as a substitute for the Skittles that Goose had demanded as down payment for petrol money for the journey.

Making a nuisance of himself the "White Patrick Viera" missed a sitter from 2 yards before Vic went 3-0 up after a cool whipped corner from Harris was powerfully headed home by Moore for his 2nd. Klinsmann celebration rightly followed on the beautiful greasy surface.

By this time Windy had been replaced in goal by Hulks & the formation was changing by the minute. 3-5-2 looked good allowing Chris "The black bearded Saaaaaanta clause" to break forward, linking up well with master chef Rhodes, fresh from serving the lads Duck a l'orange for HT snackage. Sibbo back up top missed a few chances up top before slotting in number four calmy after a cracking facial assist from Rob "Matthew Kelly" Richardson.

The chances kept coming, Kyle had a blatant headed goal ruled out & Warren snatched at a few before Rhino blew for full time. Vic were worthy winners tho on a cracking night in the big smoke.

Last night..............

Good game last night although we were on the wrong end of a 4-0 beating. If there was a Man of the Match Andy Dade would have won it by a street for a series of great tackles and excellent distribution. Other than that we are still too quiet on the pitch. As i said before talking to each other can transform the quality of a team, so its something that is going to be my main goal for as long as i am nominally in charge of the team. By 'talking' i'm not looking for constant barrage of screams of ' Come on Accies!' etc - this actually, i think, is often quite unhelpful, as it tends to encourage players to panic- but cool, calm instruction/advice to the player next to you as and when he has the ball/is waiting to receive the ball or we are looking to defend and pick up players. Anyway if we work on it every week i'm sure it will improve.

Other than that here's hoping next week will bring no rain, a fuller squad (although not too full!) and a more positive result !

Up the Accies !!

Life AWOL from the Accies...

It's not all party party party when you're AWOL from the Accies.

Oh.

Brain's Faggots

Something was on my mind in the aftermath of last Thursday's excellent game and then Elbows made the following comment in his brief match report: "Not sure how aware the Accies are about how you come across to other teams? - strange mix of extreme, slightly outmoded politeness combined with incessant abuse..... Three cheers for the f***g grass munching g** p**fs, hip hip hooray! Marvellous."

If I can be serious for a paragraph or two, in general it upsets me when I hear my teammates, all of whom I count as friends, verbally abusing opposition players during matches. Specifically, it upsets me when I hear an Accie referring to an oppo players as a "faggot" or similar.

First and foremost, let me try to describe how totally alien that kind of behaviour is to me. Playing for Effra is something I do in my spare time, for entertainment, for fun, for pleasure. Even the admin side of things is something I do in my own time, in order to facilitate that fun, for myself and for others. I can perhaps understand why in the heat of battle of some Sunday league fixtures, that kind of behaviour might occur. I would not condone it, I would not participate in it myself, but I accept that unfortunately in that climate, it's the sort of thing that regrettably goes on. However, I simply cannot grasp why such behaviour should ever occur in what is a friendly match. They're called friendlies for a reason: they're meant to be friendly! We simply have to treat opposition players with respect and dignity. Matches should be hard-fought in the sense that we give everything, physically and mentally. There is no reason on this planet why that should spill over into homophobic comments or threatening remarks.

What made it even more bizarre last Thursday was that the oppo was a team run by one of OUR players – our Assistant Manager, in fact! We can't even treat Elbows' other team with something approaching respect. Not that I think Phil's team deserve any preferential treatment – ALL teams should be treated with respect. Some of us like friendly banter with oppo players during games, some of us prefer to keep our own counsel. We get upset with players when they hack us down, but I would argue that shouting: "Are you trying to break my leg, you f***ing idiot?" is a world away from the kind of remarks I find so objective.

If any Accies player believes that without the freedom to call someone a faggot or, perhaps, to make idle threats of violence to an opposition player, their own game will somehow be affected; they'll somehow be a worse player, not able to give 110%, then I would suggest that this is not the club for you. Point one of our ethos says we are determined to play football in a "friendly, non-hostile environment".

So, yes, I am aware of how the Accies come across to other teams. And I want us to do something about it, pronto!

Thursday and… back by popular demand…

Good to get back to winning ways on Thursday, although I think the general consensus was that we wasted a lot of good chances and in the second half lost our way a little defensively. Still a win is win. Some good performances too! Joe scored two excellent goals, the only disappointment being he didn't convert it into that rarest of things for a midfielder: a hat-trick. Superb battling by Steve and Luis in midfield, and Barry in particular was rock solid at the back. Also it was great to see Neill 'Sicknote' Robertshaw embarking on his latest comeback with a fine, authoratitive performance in goal. With Dave and Barry's recent excellent displays between the sticks the competition for the keepers jersey has certainly intensified.

Just to reiterate the point i made last week on the blog and after the game on Thursday: to be considered for selection i need to know you are available by 6pm on Wednesday. You can do this in a number of ways. If you are already on Stu's regular 'confirmed' list you won't need to do anything. If you confirm manually and you are doing it on Wednesday then it would probably be wise to copy me in on any email to Stuart (anaxagoras484@yahoo.com) just to be sure I get the info in time. You can also text me if for some reason you can't email me (07828 950790).

Finally, and as the result of a series of requests in recent weeks, i'm pleased to announce that the team warm up will return this Thursday. This week i will be taking it but thereafter Simon has kindly offered to help out. I appreciate that for some people parts of the warm up are not ideal but, unless you have specific warm up requirements, it would be good for team spirit if everybody could take some part. It will start at 8.05pm so please let me know if you are running late (no. above). Otherwise if anybody has anything they wish to discuss or anything they would like me to do differently I'll be more than happy to hear your thoughts. New team this week some lets get at them early and impose ourselves.

Up the Accies…

Quick Goals Statattack

After a couple of months of slacking I've been updating the club stats… So far I've done the goalscoring lists (will update the appearances soon too). Simon's 9 goals so far in 2010 have extended his lead at the top of the 11-a-side scorers' league. Thorny took until 10 June to register his first goal of the year but has been banging them in all summer, and now finds himself hot on Simon's tail in 2nd place. Spuds' solitary goal this year took him to 30 Accies 11-a-side goals, while Joe Sene's excellent recent goalscoring run sees him in the top 5. Elsewhere, the current leader in the race for the 2010 golden boot, Sam Herbert, storms into the all-time top 10 with 17 – 14 of them netted this year. The full list can be found on the right-hand side of the blog if you scroll down a bit.

My all-time goals league table, taking into account all 5-a-side goals etc, not featured on the blog, is looking tasty this year too, with both Simon Mesner and Joe Sene mounting an assault on the top of that chart. The top 10 looks like this:

1 Jonathan Patterson (74)

2 Joe Sene (72)

3= Graham Dietz (71)

3= Simon Mesner (71)

5 Ian Holmes (61)

6 David Rudd (58)

7 Steve Spurdens (44)

8 Kenny Butler (35)

9 Andy Thornes (34)

10 Andrew Dade (32)

Bubbling under that top 10, both on 30 all-time goals, are Elbows and Luis.

Message from The Other Side

Thanks for the game last night. Did The Accies beat Southside or did Southside beat themselves?Bit of both i think. I got slated by my teammates for getting lobbed by Joe - rightly so too. We're all looking forward to the re-match on Sept 16th - hope to make you sweat a bit more next time .
Big thanks to Phill A for another defensive masterclass - and thanks to The Accies for lending us his talents.
Not sure how aware the Accies are about how you come across to other teams? - strange mix of extreme, slightly outmoded politeness combined with incessant abuse..... Three cheers for the f***g grass munching g** p**fs, hip hip hooray! Marvellous.

Up the Accies...and Southside

Last week's game and a few other things…

Firstly, although we lost 6-3 last Thursday, having been 3-1 up at half-time, i still thought we did exceptionally well against a team who were not only younger and fitter, but quite obviously, man for man, better than us. Crucially our spirit and commitment never waivered. Nobody gave up on anything throughout the whole game. It was also great to see Luis get on the scoresheet with a calmly taken finish after a frantic goalmouth scramble in the first few minutes. Simon added a couple of excellent solo goals before half time (one a curled free kicked into the top corner, and the other a kind of scooped lob from about 35 yards), which i think left the oppo a bit bewildered, considering they had had a hatful of chances and the lions share of possession.

Anyway, the second half saw Haringey raise their game considerably, at least with a regard to some kind of end product. There were still many fine defensive performances from the Accies, despite the fact that we conceded five in the second half. I'll mention a few, although its by no means a comprehensive list: Dave was superb in goal, pulling off a string of fine saves, through the second half in particular; Andy Dade made a number of great tracking runs, often resulting in a decisive shot-denying tackles; Luis, after a first half were i thought he struggled to make an impact, returned in the second with greater resolve to stand out as one of the few Accies who managed to protect the ball and hold onto possession; and Phil and Luke, given the constant flurry of attacks they had to deal with, made innumerable interventions and clearances.

As I said to most people after the game, if we play with the same level of commitment and team spirit that we showed in this game our results should take care of themselves.

With our next few games in mind its probably only fair to pass on a few brief thoughts, given the current situation. Joe's resignation came as a shock to me as it seems to have done to pretty much everyone else. He did a terrific job, which I think was the general consensus of the club. Strenuous efforts have been made by several people within the club to get him to change his mind but, as yet, to no avail. Therefore, as it stands at the moment, i'm happy to pick the team and generally run things football related. Constructive advice/assistance is more than welcome from anybody, with the proviso that its brief and to the point around game time, as i'll be trying to talk to as many people as possible individually before the game, and at half time longer chats are simply not possible. Simply put, whether i'm doing this for a couple more weeks, until somebody else takes over as coach, or til the end of the year, everybody should feel they have something to contribute as the club belongs to all of us.

Therefore, on a practical level there are a couple of things that will change for as long as I'm picking the team. Firstly, the team for Thursday will be picked between 6-7 on a Wednesday evening, so if you haven't confirmed through the Blog, or by text directly to me, there is no possibility of you being in the squad of 15 ( unless, of course, we are short on match day !!). Secondly, the rule where if you missed the previous week you were ineligible for the next game has been scrapped. It still might be the case that you do miss the next week but it wont be because of that. Selection, as it always has been, will be based on Form, Fitness, Talent and Commitment, although it should be stressed that everybody will probably still be required to miss a week due to squad size at some point. If you have already done this a couple of times this year don't worry, they were not in vain, as Joe has very kindly sent me this years stats in an extremely lengthy email (thanks Joe !!!) and i plan to keep using them as the basis for maintaining fair playing timewithin the squad. Thirdly, as Joe did, the team will be named at 8.05, but it will be done on or around the pitch without a lenghty pre-match team talk. This will take place a few minutes before the game to cover a few general points, although my idea is to try to talk to everybody individually before KO, as I mentioned earlier.

Anyway this is becoming far too long and I think I have covered all for now!! I hope to see everyone fighting fit come Thursday so we can get back to winning ways and enjoy being on the grass again…

The Blitz Spirit: An Alternative Match Report #2

Not much changes in London, and White Hart Lane is the same wasteland as it was when I last visited in the late 1980s on an FA Cup replay night when the Irons lost against a resurgent Spurs side. I remember walking back to the tube station, piles of rubbish and dilapidation everywhere, not a bus in sight. Not much changes, it seems – probably not for over half a century at least.

After over an hour of sitting on the tube, fiddling around with a street map and bus guide, our game against Haringey Council reminded me of a recent conversation I had with a Spurs fan who claimed West Ham weren’t a London team: according to him, WHU played too far from the city centre to be a ‘London’ club. What does that make Spurs in Haringey? What if Spurs move to Stratford? Are there schools in North London?

The Match
On arrival at the sports centre [which I mistook for the football stadium], the oppo were already training on the astro pitch. I was informed by Spuds that they were young, wore flashy boots and they wanted to start the game early. Christ.

We kicked off with a couple of players arriving late. This was deliberate, I was informed, and it paid off [in the first half]. Within ten minutes, we were in front. A goal mouth scramble. The ball sneaked out to Luis standing just inside the penalty area. He threaded the ball between two defenders and into the net. Standing behind him, I saw just how well he did to place the ball there. 1-0. Great stuff.

As the game rolled on, we realised just how good the oppo were. I was marking a guy who looked like Paul Scholes. Phil Arnold limped off and Stuart Dade filled in as centre back. In goal, Dave Rudd was having an inspired performance, and he kept them at bay [and us in the match] until the inevitable equaliser came. 1-1

All this changed with two quick goals by the Accies. Simon Mesner – arriving late but eating his ‘usual’ breakfast – was brought on to add to our attack. An immediate result. The ref blew for a foul on Sam. From where I stood, it looked like a penalty, but the ref pointed to a free kick on the edge of the D. Up stepped Mes and curled a brilliant free kick to the right of the wall and past the keeper into the top right hand corner. 2-1. Rocking.

Then, what seemed a short time after, Mes received a looped ball in-between the oppo’s two centre backs. Rather than bring the ball down and control it, Mes volleyed a first time looping shot over the keeper and into the net. 3-1. Euphoria.

Half time. This seemed to be an important point in the game. Our talk lasted a mere 2 minutes. Their talk seemed to last the full 15 mins. It certainly changed things.

Out came the oppo and from the off they bombarded our goal. They run at us from all directions. They were very good and in the years playing football, I can safely say they were one of the best teams I have played against. 3-6 Full time.

Post match thoughts
There were several positives from this game. We held together as a team for the 90 minutes. Dave Rudd’s performance in goal kept was brilliant. We never gave up: we battled hard and did ourselves proud. Looking forward to returning to Crystal Palace. No more journeys up north into the hinterland. Up the Accies.

-- WereWolf

Grafton and Haringey

Just a quick note to say thanks to Thorney  for taking temporary charge of the team.(A futile gesture i know. He will never read this)

 The last 2 games have been really enjoyable, mainly because of the hard work and great team spirit shown. This positive attitude was exemplified by Baz and Hairy Cornflake's goalkeeping performances. Baz  showed great strength of character to recover from Bouncegate  and put in a terrific display against Grafton. Against  Haringey Hairy Cornflake  pulled off a series of brilliant saves to keep us in the game.

 We could and probably should have held onto our lead against Grafton , but against Haringay i think 3-6 is a more than respectable scoreline. Sitting in Steve's van before the Haringey game, we watched one  young, fit  Haringey player after another walk through the stadium gates, carrying worryingly expensive  looking boots. Haringey were as talented as they looked but didn't work out how to play against us for almost an hour. By half time we we'd raced into a lead, Mes and Luis  showing the Haringey strikers how it should be done. Although we had a good lead, it felt like we had a tiger by the tail. Shortly after half time we let go, and the inevitable followed. Still, it was a great workout and i think most people enjoyed their evening's work.  Next match is against my work team, Southside*. Not a patch on Haringey. Last time you beat us 8-4. My best advice is for the Accies to get complacent and take victory  for granted....

*See Southside FC's blog at southsidefootballclub.blogspot.com

Dodgy keeper! Dodgy keeper!

Click here to be transported to the Sporting Brixton blog – the other team of our very own Sam Herbert. Read and enjoy the report on there of the recent seven-goal thriller between the two sides, on a night when myself, Mes and possibly one or more other Accies, I can't rightly remember, played for Brixton who were very short on numbers. Joe's version of events in his own post-match report is of course here. It's interesting comparing the two versions of events.

My favourite line from the match report is the bit describing Effra's third goal: "Our keeper (who was actually an Accies player) sort of went to go left, saw [the] ball go right and then just fell over, leaving the ball to float past him less than an inch away from his falling hand." !!!!! Tragically that's a pretty accurate assessment of what happened - a remarkable shambles from yours truly. Honestly not a deliberate attempt to get the Accies back in the game, although you'd be forgiven for thinking I'd taken a bung!

Sporting Brixton's club ethos and rules also make for interesting reading – they're a league side, which makes their commitment to "fun, team spirit and fairness" all the more admirable…

And One More Just Because I Can Still The One That Makes Me Sad

Lego Star Wars Table Football. Utterly mighty!

Random Light-Hearted Thing So I Don't Keep Getting Dejected By The Post That Was At The Top Of The Page

World Cup Final highlights in Lego. Now this is what an internet was invented for. Frankly I expect to see Elbows' own Lego versions of classic Accies highlights ASAP. Phil, surely Fergus can help you put it together?