Effra 3 Beckett Chambers 4

Last night proved to be a very bitter sweet game for The Accies. In virtually unplayable conditions (I'm hoping someone took a picture?), we persevered with our mantra of pass, move, control, and despite a very unpredictable playing surface, we created some good early opportunities. It was certainly no surprise when we took the lead, with Greg Rainey nodding home a corner. Goals from set-pieces is certainly an area that we have to improve on this year.

Beckett were presented with a "Get Out of Jail Free Card" when Phil Caldwell headed in to our net from a dangerous Beckett cross. It was harsh on Phil, who, having taken up the precise position where he should have been to defend the cross, saw his attempt to head clear end up flying in to the top corner. All due respect to Phil for taking responsibility for dealing with the cross, unaware as he was to what was lurking behind him. However, all that was lurking behind him was birthday boy keeper Lee Clifford. The OG came from a lack of communication between the two, with the usually vocal Clifford not claiming the ball on this occasion. It's a simple mistake to make, and thankfully it's an even simpler mistake to eradicate moving forwards.

The unpredictable pitch was both a help and a hindrance in equal measure. The ball was sticking and spinning so much that trying to predict where it would land or bounce was almost impossible. We had to change tact at half-time across the back line, when I had to utter the words I'd never thought I'd hear myself say: "Get your foot through it and get it out!"

We went on to take a well deserved 3-1 lead. However, having netted the third, we switched off again and allowed Beckett to grab two quick goals. It was harsh on us but in retrospect we brought it on ourselves by not focusing our attention on doing the simple things right. We were again too slow to close the opposition down, too far off them to be able to stop them from turning, and this continued to be our undoing, as we eventually went 4-3 down.

It wasn't all doom and gloom though, and there were some notable performances. It was good to see Barry back in the back four, carrying the ball out as much as he could, and Neill Robertshaw put in an impressive turn as the holding midfielder in a 4-1-4-1, a formation that I think we have had a fair amount of joy with. All three strikers, Herbert, Marney and Mesner caused the opposition problems all night, but the MOTM award went to Phill Arnold for yet another assured display at left-back. Phill's willingness to receive the ball gave us an effective outlet, and his overlapping and crossing was tip-top last night, despite the mud bath we were playing in.

We had chances to nick a draw, and over the course of the 90 minutes we probably created enough chances to win two matches. This is the positive that we must take from this game and carry forward to next week. Our ability to carve out decent goal scoring chances for ourselves this year has been staggering, we all just need to start putting them away.

On the subject of goals, last night's scorers were Rainey, Herbert and Marney, with the latter two supplying assists for each other. The movement, running and passing up front was incisive as ever. If we can tighten up defensively, we'll win far more games than we lose this year.

Keep the faith!

Joe

Team Jonah

Cast your mind back to Sept 16th 2009,3-1 vs Mott Mcdonald, the last time I appeared on a winning team. Last night my presence on the pitch obviously caused Phil to head into his own net,Luke to fall over letting in the striker, got in the refs way so he couldn't see the handball for number 3, and caused Lee to kick the ball straight to the nippy winger who then had an open goal!
The good news is I might be around next week too!
So there you have it, Im the team jonah,or judging by my physique, the whale

Wish I was there, not here...

But we're 1-0 up!  Header from Greg from a corner!  Our deliveries from corners have been so good this year, and there's some reward...

Phil C own goal, 1-1.  No voodoo doll in sight, honest.

Effra's other full-backs plead for mercy

In a plea for mercy, Effra left-back Graeme Were has confirmed rumours that in an attempt to escape the non-stop punishment being dealt to him via Stuart Dade's collection of voodoo dolls, he has indeed undergone a radical transformation including a new haircut and the purchasing of a new pair of boots!

No word from Phill Arnold at the time of this report going to press, but we live in hope of seeing Arnold alive and well, at some point....

Effra Left-Back Denies Anti-England Voodoo Curse

Accies left-back Stuart Dade this afternoon strongly denied claims that his own fat hands were behind Engerlund's left-back crisis.

The Effra number three insisted: "The only national team I'm currently targeting are Inglund's World Cup group rivals USA. I would never do anything to harm Ashley Cole - the love Ashley and I share is pure and beautiful and I'm standing by him/kneeling down near him throughout his current romantic difficulties."  Dade added: "As for my Werewolf doll, it's completely covered in facial and body hair as per usual – no hairstyle change will be contemplated."

Accies stars eye World Cup call-up

With Ashley Cole nursing a broken ankle and a broken heart (as if), and Wayne Bridge announcing his retirement from the England scene because of the kind of love triangle that would cause a ruck in the Paxton Arms, Effra left-backs are now jostling not just for a place in the Accies defence, but also in the national squad.

If the club had a spokesperson, here's what they might've said: "If Nicky Shorey is a realistic option to play for England, then shorely the likes of Phill Arnold, Stuart Dade and Graeme Were must be in the frame.  Even normally right-sided options such as Phil Caldwell and Neil Gardener should make sure they're free in June/July in case Fabio calls."

Fabio Capello was unavailable for comment.

Hutson trumps Dietz

Just when Graham "Gza" Dietz thought he might usurp his beloved Arsenal and win an actual award (it's almost 5 years now for the Gunners!) for clocking up the most miles to make it to CP tonight (Durham certainly sounds very far away!), it's just been announced that Gary "The Hut" Hutson has flown in from Brazil - BRA-FRIKKIN-ZIL, to watch the mighty Accies in action! (I should point out at this stage that it is yet to be confirmed that watching The Accies is the primary reason for Gary's visit, but as it has also not yet been denied, I'm going for it!).

Needless to say, The Hut will be presented with his amber coloured, wet, 5%abv award post-match at The Paxton tonight (although I'm not sure they stock Brahma Gary - sorry mate!).

As for Dietz, perhaps he's "arriving in style," or possibly "won't see" The Hut in attendance tonight and so therefore deny all knowledge?

Post Match Celebrations turn Ugly!

BREAKING NEWS! Following last Thursday night's 2-1 victory over BAM Real South, the South London Dishwater can exclusively reveal that three Accies players were snapped boarding a train heading to London Bridge in an UGLY mood.

The trio, pictured here on the left and below, were alleged by fellow passengers to have LOOKED offensive as they took their seats at the front of the train.

They were described as 'salivating with a funny hat', 'looking like an 80's Welsh popstar' and simply 'frightening'.

British Transport Police have offered rewards for information leading up to their arrest.

Old Goal

Here's a save and a goal from a match about 4 years ago.

Ex Accies bad boys Jimmy and Jason show flashes of their undoubted on field ability in this clip.

Look closely and you'll see Warrren 'Wozzer' Crawford taking the throw - also look out for Big Dave Green and a young Charlie Purvey. 

Alternative Match Report with Highlights [sung to the tune of Julie Andrews]

Raindrops on noses and whiskers on goalies
Broken tibia and fibia and warm woollen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favourite things!

Running girls in white t-shirts with blue lycra shorts
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eye lashes
Silver white winters that melt into spring
These are a few of my favourite things!

When the team scores, when the calf stings
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favourite things
and then I don't feel so bad!

Sing to the tune of My Favourite Things, sung by Julie Andrews

Sidelined with a calf strain, I took the opportunity to do a bit of football punditry in damp and freezing conditions in Crystal Palace last night. Having performed strongly in the opening games of the year, the Accies kicked off against BAM Real (from Spain?) who quickly asserted their authority in the opening exchanges. Quick interceptions by centre back Neil G saved the Accies before the game settled down in the slosh, slosh, slosh.... I recollected the Bolton-Wigan game the previous night and something about rather watching paint dry…. Won’t say much more except luckily there were some interesting sporty girls running on the track. I enquired if they were Olympic hopefuls.

40 minutes later, just before the break, second after mentioning to sub Sam that this had bore draw written all over it, BAM Real threaded a looped ball across the area and thumped it home. 0-1. Sod's law.

The second half saw some changes with the coach bringing on Perre who immediately impressed as well as Sam, who as usual did lots of running. All of a sudden it was 1-1. The ref blew for a foul in the penalty area and it looked like a Real free kick. From the touchline, we looked back to see Shaky slot home from the spot. 1-1. Then, probably the best move of the match. Some good link up play down the flanks, simple passes and good running into space saw Dean power down the left and drive in a low cross only for Thorny somehow not to connect but then Joe S to ram home. 2-1. Great play.

After this I saw something really good. Sustained pressure on the Real goal – controlled play and movement which really ought to have been rewarded. A game of two halves as the old cliche goes.

But there was more drama to come. From afar, centre back Neil G seemed to have pulled down the Real striker [see report below]. The ref pointed to the spot. Up stepped the Real penalty taker which was fantastically saved by super-goalie Lee. Amazing! See the jubilant scenes on the touchline by Greg [worried about his hairstyle] and Shaky in the video [unfortunately the phone cuts out as he does the puddle dance].



The game ended 2-1 to the Accies with some nervous moments before the whistle, though on the whole, completely deserved. An encouraging performance by everyone concerned. Lets hope my calf heals soon.

Report filed by Werewolf
PS - Can we ask the WAGS to sing the above song when we go to Rotterdam?

Effra 2 BAM Real South 1

We earned another well deserved victory tonight thanks largely to our commitment to playing passing, attacking football. Our hard work eventually brought its rewards in a game we should have won more comfortably.

I was bitterly disappointed to see us go in at half-time 1-0 down following a couple of unlucky ricochets from a throw-in and slow reactions to the loose ball. I meant what I said during my half-time team talk that we had switched off for their goal, and that at times our closing and marking was far too ragged. I asked for a reaction going in to the second-half. I asked for tighter marking, I asked for more play on the floor, I asked for quicker crosses and everything else that I asked for I got during the second period.

Our incisive passing and clever movement became much more ruthless and efficient following the re-start and we soon got our equaliser after a clear infringement on Andy Thornes as he attempted to challenge for a throw-in in the opposition penalty box. Referee Robert had warned the BAM team only moments earlier for a similarly strong challenge on Andy and there were no complaints when he made his penalty decision. Simon Mesner stepped up and dispatched the penalty with confidence.

The penalty drama in this game didn't end there. Following a lunging tackle by Neil Gardner in our own box (Neil DID indeed win the ball but the ref clearly decided he took more than just the ball out of the challenge), Lee Clifford snatched the spotlight with another crucial save, palming away the penalty kick with two strong hands. Lee, as has become expected of him, put in another excellent performance in between the sticks for us tonight.

Our back four lost it's shape at times, which in fairness was to be expected with some people having to play out of position. Thanks go to Phill A, Phil C and Stuart for taking responsibility at the back when playing out of position, and all three did all that was asked of them and more. In particular, Phill A again proved what a calm and composed player he can be, often looking to play the ball out of the centre of defence with that very effective left boot of his. Phil C often found himself chasing shadows, but when confronted with the prospect of a striker getting past him and in to the box, Phil attempted a sliding challenge as his last resort. Thankfully it happened wide of the 18-yard-box, but I still suspect he might feel a bit aggrieved to have received a yellow card. Had it happened anywhere more centrally, or heaven forbid in the box, I suspect Phil may have seen red in more than one way!

Our second, and crucial winning goal, came thanks to a quick break down the left. Dean Marney played in a sumptuous cross along the edge of the BAM six-yard-box. Andy Thornes, who had come haring in to the box from deep, was very unfortunate not to connect with the ball and claim what surely would have resulted in a goal. Luckily for me I followed up his run, and found myself presented with the ball, six yards out, and all that was left for me to do was to get my foot through it and place it back across the goal from the closing defenders.

On reflection, we deserved the victory again tonight. We were very dangerous from set-pieces, with Man Of The Match Steve Spurdens sending in some delightful crosses. We could easily have snuck in a couple of goals from such situations, and a heavier scoreline in our favour would not have been unfair.

As I have said before, it's not just the victory that is so thrilling, but it's the manner in which we now go about playing the game. Simple but effective balls out of defence, 1-2s in midfield, running in to channels up front, and most importantly creating and converting chances. All of this adds up to the fact that we are playing some brilliant football at times, and as a consequence we continue to pick up victories in such satisfying style.

Well done all on another fantastic night of Accies action!

Keep the faith!

Joe

Net Gain?

I present to you now, four hours before kick-off in our latest match, this excerpt from an email from our friends at CPNSC: “I have just spoken to S**** D***** (Duty Manager) and he has the new nets in his hands and [is] just about to change them now for you.”

Hooray!

Rotterdam: facts & figures

Below is a grid detailing who's said they're going, who hasn't decided (Steve!), how everyone is getting there and back, where everyone's staying, who's bringing family and how much the club is stumping up.  Tomorrow you'll get an email about transport and accommodation - in a nutshell, the club funds can be used to book you flights or trains and somewhere to stay, but you'll need to pay the club back (minus the club's £ contribution) by an agreed date or risk an extended stay on the subs bench!  You're welcome to sort your own transport and/or accommodation, or course - in which case I will give you the club's £ contribution. NB: if you would like to come on the trip and your name isn't in the list below, let Stuart or Phil C know ASAP!

Name Going? Transport Staying Nights Club £ Stuart Yes Eurostar (B) Hotel Emma 3 £30 Andrew D Yes Fl: LC2R (B) Cube 1 £30 Phil C Yes Own Car? Cube 2 £30 Steve ??? £30 Dave R Yes Hotel X 2 £15 Luke Yes 2 £30 Luis Yes £30 Simon Yes Eurostar (N/B) Hotel Emma 2 £30 Joe S Yes 1 £30 Andy T Yes Car (Neill R) Cube 2 £30 Neil G Yes £15 Neill R Yes Own Car Cube 2 £30 Barry G Yes £30 Graeme ??? £15 Lee C Yes Cube £15 Sam H Yes Hotel Emma 2 £30 Phill A Yes Cube 2 £15 Dean Yes Cube £0 Anthony Yes £0 KEY £435 N/B Not booked B Booked Fl Flying LC2R London City Airport to Rotterdam

Effra 1 1860 Lambeth 1

Despite having gone 1-0 down, tonight was certainly a case of snatching a draw from the jaws of victory. Our passing and incisive attacking led to us creating more scoring opportunities than Lambeth, and I suspect even Mystic Meg would struggle to explain how we only found the back of the net once!

The "Pass, Control, Move" mantra that we have been preaching this year really seems to be sinking in. Everywhere on the pitch I saw men willing to take responsibility for receiving the ball, and then having the confidence to take a touch where possible. It was this ability and willingness to control the ball that resulted in us opening up the Lambeth defence virtually at will at times.

We went in at half-time with the scores still even at 0-0. I'm sure our opposition would have been echoing our team-talk of "keep doing what we're doing" with both teams having enjoyed a fair amount of possession. However, in regards to creating goal-scoring chances, we really moved up a gear in the second-half.

We were unlucky to go one down, with their goal owing much to good fortune as it did good finishing. A couple of unkind bobbles in our box led to their striker burying the ball in the far post across Neill Robertshaw. It was harsh on us, but Lambeth would claim they deserved it, and I doubt a neutral would argue. We stuck rigidly to our principles though and we eventually got our reward with Man of the Match Dean Marney claiming another goal for the club. On another night, Dean could easily have scored a hat-trick, particularly given the mood and movement of strike partner Mesner, who played in some very dangerous crosses.

Simon himself was unlucky not to get on the scoresheet, and if I had kept my composure towards the end of the game and put away arguably the easiest chance I'll ever get in an Accies shirt, we'd have come away victorious.

A victory would have been just about deserved in my opinion. Lambeth would rightly argue otherwise. But what we could all agree on was that the match was very open, with wave of attack after attack from both teams. I can't remember such an evenly contested match, especially against Lambeth, in some time now. We showed we can battle when needed, but we played like a team who knows what it's doing, with everyone sticking to their tasks, and with the ball being played on the floor.

As I said in the changing room tonight after the game, and as I've posted on this blog before, more performances like this and we will not only win, but we'll win in style. And that, ultimately, has to be our aim.

Well done all on another thoroughly enjoyable night of Accies action!

Keep the faith!

Joe

Back in the day

Here's a clip from early 2005 - The Accies had only recently started playing weekly 11 a side matches on the stadium pitch. Check out the great flick on from ex-Accie Tom  Smith - but who is the Thornton Heath no 11 making a lame ariel challenge?..Thorney?....Thorney!!

Grumpy Old Men

Sometimes in football there are more questions than answers.

Why  were we all so quiet last night? Why did our play lack cohesion? Why did we try to play a high line against  such a pacey attack? 

The Super Vets  ageing striker was the answer to the question, 'what do you get if you cross Victor Meldrew with  the Terminator?'

I've just had a look at the footage that Neill R took last night. All i can say is hats off to coach09 for perservering to the end. I know Neill is a fan of horror films but  really!

At one point Luke asked.. 'what the fuck was that?' when I  passed the ball to no-one instead of playing a simple pass to Steve. Luke, to be honest , i've got  no idea what the fuck that was. 

There was plenty of good stuff too though - another excellent performance from Perre  and more signs of good things to come from Dean and Little Joe. Brilliant to see Hairy Cornflake  back in action with a  typically passionate performance. Mes did well to slot in at centre back in the second half.  Everyone tried hard and we stuck together  till the end  but nothing came off.

Things might have been different if i hadn't missed from point-blank range after  Little Joe served up a  great chance with a pin point cross late on - Caviar to pigs i'm afraid.

 As i drove back down the A2 last night my head was  full of questions... why did i lose my temper with  their no 10?,  will we bounce back next week?, why am i listening to Michael Buble on Heart FM?, why have i eaten the chocolate i just bought for Mrs Elbows? Sometimes there are no answers.

The great thing about football is that we can do it all again next week, only properly this time.

When i feel a bit stronger i'll put together a highlights package, but For now , here's Dean

 converting our second half penalty.

One other quite-possibly-incorrect stat

We appear to be on the brink of our 200th win across the whole spectrum of Accies football since 1999.  I trust Excel, of course, albeit I don't trust the buffoon who's typing the info into the Excel document, but: played 877, lost 497, drawn 181, won... 199.  There is a club record to be broken tonight, but I daren't type it out for fear of jinxing us.  So I'll settle for hoping we achieve a double century of victories!  (By the way: scored 1,021; conceded 1,921.  Possibly.)

Maths: not my strong point

We may never know why until a minute ago the stats on this blog stated that we'd conceded 818 goals in 11-a-side games.  In fact, the data seems to confirm that we've 'only' let in 796 goals.  Here's a snazzy graph of our 11-a-sides by year to date - theoretically this should reflect the info that's down the right-hand side of the blog!  If you spot any inconsistencies, let me know – I'll have a little cry, examine my Excel document carefully, then make it up...

Yr	Pl	W	D	L	F	A
2000	1	0	0	1	1	10
2001	9	2	1	6	18	41
2002	10	1	4	5	29	45
2003	15	6	3	6	37	48
2004	14	1	4	9	19	47
2005	41	8	7	26	68	140
2006	29	3	4	22	43	117
2007	34	11	4	19	81	98
2008	38	8	4	26	65	123
2009	42	10	9	23	72	123
2010	2	2	0	0	8	4
Tot	235	52	40	143	441	796

STOP PRESS!

FIXTURE CONFIRMED. 

ACCIES VS F&F UNITED,

ROTTERDAM,

SAT 24TH APRIL 2010.

Hooray! It's Thursday again!

I've started this particular Thursday by completing a preposterous blog task: down the right-hand side of the blog can now be found all 235 of our 11-a-side results, divided into calendar years, along with the scorers in each year.  There's also the beginning of a 'roll of honour' detailing all the awards from the past three ceremonies.  I'm hoping that at work I might have records of award winners from previous years.  Watch that space.

Anyway... roll on kick-off of our 236th 11-a-side match in almost exactly 20 hours' time!  Up the Accies!