2009 - The end......

At the end of this year as coach I am very impressed by how the team has responded throughout the year to bring around a fantastic second half to the year and all should be proud of their contributions througout the year.

I would like to thank each and every one of the players for their application and effort over the past twelve months.

On a more personal level, I would like to thank Stuart and Phil for all their assistance this year over a broad spectrum of issues, a special mention to 'Magic Hands' Mesner for all his off field help regarding not just my two injuries but to the other players hampered this year. Being coach for the Accies has been a roller coaster of a ride as trying to keep all players happy while trying to get results is almost as political as it is sports related and hopefully this can be addressed for future years so the coach can concentrate on the football, for anyone who feels that they were misused I can only apologise profusely......

Hopefully the way we ended the year can be taken forward for next year so go easy on the Turkey and hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Very Sporting Behaviour (and very unsporting behaviour in the boozer afterwards!)

After my night in a hotel filled with trained killers (possibly), I've arrived at work at 8.30am.  There's a giant pile of work but I've decided to bash out a quick blog post about last night.  Firstly, a huge thank-you to new Effra no 24 Sam Herbert, who on the night he was presented with his shiny new Accies kit, couldn't wear it and had to cobble together a team to play against us instead.  Seven swans a-swimming, sorry I mean Sporting Brixton players, turned out, and were joined by Joe, Joe's mate and Joe's brother. I had the dubious honour of playing in goal for SB, with Elbows replacing me between the sticks for the 2nd half. TBALT and Greg had outfield stints for SB during the match when injury depleted the whites' ranks.  Anyway, as I say, cheers to Sam for ensuring that we were able to end 2009 with a proper game!  Sam wants at least a month's notice for a future fixture date, but I think 48 hours is more than sufficient...

Lots to say about the match so I'll try to cram as much as I can remember into this paragraph. As we left the dressing room the predicted snow blizzard had started, giving the game a suitably Xmassy feel. An early lead for the Accies as Perre marauded down the right and squared past the hapless me at the request of Lex Luthor, who slotted home from several centimetres.  Incidentally, Thorny tells me he has never looked at this blog, so I might as well take this opportunity so say I can't stand the bloke and his goals this year – the one I just described was his 12th – were all rubbish and undeserved.  Hang yer boots up, Lex.  Then a mini-collapse for Effra, with SB passing neatly around the red'n'blues and scoring twice to lead 2-1.  After that I scrambled to tip over a Sene lob, only to flap shambolically at his corner, allowing Shaky to head firmly in for 2-2.  By this time the snow was extremely heavy and visibility was atrocious, but fortunately the weather mostly cleared in the 2nd half.  Before the 1st half ended Mike endured a couple of close-range misses that he won't thank me for describing, so I won't.  We soaked up some pressure, before eventually created a couple of chances of our own, one of which was a lovely ball from Lex putting Shaky through to make it 3-2.  How apt that the year's two highest scorers, with 14 and 12 respectively, should score all our goals in this match and combine for what proved to be the winner here.  A truly outstanding contribution in front of goal.

Sporting Brixton put us under pressure for most of the remainder of the match, ending the game with 4 strikers, but we held firm. Joe can count himself unlucky to have been judged offside when clean through on goal – it was a borderline decision which thankfully went our way, making it two weeks in a row that the youngster has been unfortunate not to score against us (erm, assuming he didn't get either of the 2 SB goals?  I was in goal at the other end so I haven't a clue who scored!).  Coach09, in goal in Lee's absence, made a stunning save towards the end – a fierce shot from the edge of the area seemed to swirl in the snow and wind and was going top corner until Neill parried it away for a corner.  World class.

The match was also notable for the return of Miami Dade at right-back after five months injured.  It's great to have two Dades on the pitch again – huge respect to my bruv for the support and commitment he's shown to the Accies while crocked, and welcome back – all were agreed after the match that he played well on his return.

Finally, there was a remarkable post-match fist fight in the Paxton, not involving any Accies of course.  We watched, stunned, as a drunken women screamed and shouted: "I didn't sleep with him," which of course, in the world of celebrity magazines that I will return to momentarily, translates as: "I slept with him several times and I think I might be pregnant."  An ugly brawl ensued. Full marks to Paxton Neil for wading in and Paxton Stuart for ejecting at least one bloodied fella – although as Shaky and myself were leaving, the same bloodied bloke was going back into the pub, so goodness knows what happened next.  All that remained for me was another very happy train journey with Shaky followed by a night and full English breakfast here on expenses for me.  Happy days indeed.

I'll save a stat-heavy review of the year for another post in due course, but suffice to say it's been a vintage Accies 12 months, with far more ups than downs!  Roll on 2010...

Best/worst injuries ever, AKA the story of my right leg

Forget about heroic stories like My Left Foot (I was thinking of Alan Devonshire and not Christy Brown). The story of My Right Leg sends shivers down the spine of NHS workers and the UK taxpayer. And I am not talking about my well rehearsed and embellished story about when my right leg snapped into several pieces on a cold autumn morning a few years ago and the medics tried to drag me into the back of the ambulance. Or how the doctors described it as a jigsaw puzzle as they sipped tea. Not this time luckily for you. My friends and colleagues will tell you they are sick to death of that one (especially after buying me several pints at first in sympathy and I managed to wangle free taxi rides around long as well as an NHS chauffeur).

Nor am I going to tell you the story of how a piece of titanium lodged itself in my knee joint making it impossible to straighten my right leg. The scars tell that story. And I am not going to tell you the incredible-but-true story of a crazy woman who drove me down on purpose one morning in her flashy sports car, ramming my right knee with a ton of metal then taking off as quickly as it happened. No. That’s too sad and disturbing. This story is about my most recent injury, one that will make you very scared, and I hope, will earn me many pints of beer as well as clear a space down the left wing for me to run and score (luckily I’m left footed so no worries there about self-inflicted pain).

Having returned from a recent work trip abroad to the tropics, several red and swollen sores appeared on my feet, but most prominently my right foot. These were not ordinary sores – they seeped, bled and seeped more, and did lots of other things as well as bloody hurt! After a week of hobbling around in London, the missus finally ordered me to go to the doctor and get some penicillin. That I did, and after almost completing the course of treatment, things looked better. That was, until I received a call from several government officials. Christ, this was not some ordinary phone call. This was big – they told me they knew my name. Even at the hospital, people made way for me – I was fast-tracked. No waiting. Straight there, door open. Come inside Sir.

Not only did I have some infection, but this was unusual. My movements were to be curtailed. Security screens placed around me, escorts (not Russian) in and out of hospitals. A ring of steel placed around me, (actually a bandage) and under no circumstances, was I to reveal my bare foot in public. Deadly spores, I was told. A matter of national security.

Damn! Forget Thursday night then. There goes my Christmas run-out and drinking run-in. Sit at home and listen to the radio and watch the rain and snow instead. Balls.

Apparently the spores from my foot could infect people, bring down the team, not to mention ruin Christmas for my neighbours and friends. Burn everything, that’s what they said: burn my socks, my sheets and my shoes – yes, even my own shoes. Hell, no: what about my football boots? They couldn’t…
Well, one day later and another prescription, the prognosis is looking better. I’ll be able to make my return in the New Year now that the microbiologist just informed me I’ll probably see it arrive. Thank god for that!

From the archives

While we wait for photos from the recent end-of-year awards meal to surface (one snapper has promised to post some here in January), here are 3 pics from the equivalent event in Dec 2006. Dave shows off a crisp £20 won in Miami's Xmas Quiz; Elbows shows off the pedigree that led to him being crowned 2009's Most Improved Player; and assorted guests natter. Where does the time go?

The Acciiiiiiiiiiiies*

Just sorting through a load of old photos because I just bought a new camera and need to make sure I'm not overwhelmed by the inevitable influx of new pics... Came across this one that I took in May 2006, I think from a pizza leaflet that had come through the letterbox. He's wearing a retro Accies kit, the one before the one we wear now, but it's irrefutable proof that Homer Simpson is the first (and only?) celebrity Accies fan. Mighty.

*Sung to the tune of "The Simpsons"...!

Ever seen a prolapsed bag? You have now...

So, after years of being carted along to Thursday night footy - here it is. Photographic evidence of the demise of Stu's huge bag which died of a prolapsed pocket.

After a small family ceremony, Stu's bag was placed in the bin in the corner of the changing room down at Palace.

Horrifically, just a week later the decaying corpse of the old friend was spotted slung in the corridor on a pile of sand; suspicious asbestos-like material and mud.

So, to Stu's over sized 'actually-a-tennis-bag-and-used-mostly-back-in-the-day-for-carting-eight-cans-of-train-beer-to-the-2302-to-London-Bridge-although-admittedly-also-for-spare-kit': R.I.P

Hot news: Andrew 'Miami' Dade cleared to play in Thursday's match

After just over 5 months on the sidelines following a knee cartilage tear sustained in the game of the year (although I doubt he rates it as his game of the year) v MHP on 9th July in Tottenham, Andrew 'Miami' Dade has passed a fitness this morning at a top central London clinic and has been passed fit to play at least some part of Thursday's game, if selected of course.

The specialist said, 'The knee is now healed and he is clear to start playing again. He has some work to do on his fitness and match hardness but otherwise his rehabilitation period is complete'.

Of course the hard work is not over as Miami has seen, mainly through a view finder, Phil 'Elbows' Caldwell play superbly at right back over the second half of the year. Or will he be looking to displace his brother at left back? A few things for Coach Robertshaw to chew on over the coming weeks...

Effra 3, MHP 1.

Another great performance from Miami behind the  camera. The quality of his work has benefitted from a good long run of games on the sidelines. He's really made this position his own.

Neill was correct  when he said at half time that we'd made mistakes and that we hadn't kept our shape. Still, it was 1-1 and we were playing a team who had beaten us in each of our 4 previous meetings, so not all bad then. These days we still make lots of mistakes but we're doing more right than wrong.

In the second half we played really well.  Mickael  soon gave us a lead with a well deserved goal. Stu cleared off the line in heroic fashion and then MOTM Joe put the game out of sight with  a quality finish late on. 

No Thorney! No!!

I was shocked to discover this evidence of Thorney driving a coach and horses through FIFA fair play  regulations and through the Governments's infection control guidance.

We're in the middle of a swine flu pandemic for heaven's sake Thorney.

Technical hitch

Quick note to apologise for not yet posting this week's highlight's video. 

Don't know why but  i keep getting an error message when i try to upload films to Blogspot.

On the plus side , the film is quite good , featuring as it does 3 Accies goals, Mickael's reprise of Charlie George's famous FA Cup celebration, and you even get a glimpse of of BigNeilfromthePaxtonsmateJoe almost scoring for MHP.

Normal service will be  restored shortly... probably.

A Star is Born?

And there was in the same country a mate of big Neil from The Paxton abiding near the field, keeping watch over the floodlights by night every Thursday. And, lo, the angel of the Accies came upon him, and the glory of the Accies shone round about him: and he was sore afraid: And the Accies said unto him, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city London your Saviour, which is the Effra Academicals. And the floodlights you see on every Thursday shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the Accies wrapped in red 'n' clothes, listening to a manager. And suddenly there was with big Neil's 16 year old mate Joe, a multitude of the heavenly Accies praising Thursday night footy, and saying, Glory to The Accies in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Phil Caldwell tribute

Another good game, another good all round team performance and another good result. Especially as we hadn't beaten MHP before.

However special mention goes to Phil C. The first time we played MHP, his work team, Phil had to take his place between the sticks (no Anthony, Dave or Neill R that night and it was before Lee's time), which I'm sure isn't his favourite position. It was a 4-6 defeat (a bitter sweet game for me, 1 goal and 2 assists before going over on my ankle and 3 months out). We have then lost 0-1 and 1-2 before another goal fest this time on White Hart Lane, loosing 4-5 (although that game seems to have been the catalyst for a really good long term run).

Phil told me that tonight's 'keeper ribs him at work the next day (and even in management meetings!) each time MHP have beaten us. So what better way to be able to walk into work tomorrow than after a good game and a lovely side footed finish past the said goalie to set us on our way.

Well played all but especially well played Phil. I hope the goal is etched on a chip somewhere and will soon be playing on a loop over and over again at your work place in front of the cheeky 'keeper strapped to a chair and eye lids clamped back in Clockwork orange stylie.

Accies Awards 2009

OK, for The Hut who is in Brazil staring at the blog, refreshing in the hope someone bungs these on here. I'll leave it to Stu to edit and fill in the blanks that I can't remember!

Most Improved Player
1st Phil Caldwell
2nd Neil Gardener
3rd Luis Sandoval

Defender Of The Year
1st Neil Gardener
2nd Lee Clifford
3rd Phil Caldwell & Barry Gardener

Midfielder Of The Year
1st Andy Thornes
2nd Joe Sene
3rs Steve Spurdens

Forward Of The Year
1st Simon Mesner
2nd Bobby Rauchenberg
3rd Perre Heath

Player Of The Year
1st Andy Thornes
2nd Neil Gardener
3rd Phil Caldwell

Players' Player Of The Year - Andy Thornes

Game Of The Year - The one in Tottenham we lost and I got fucking injured in. MHP on 9th July...

Goal Of The Year - That long looping header from Thorney

Club Man Of The Year - Phil Caldwell

Pop, counting his ill gotten gains...

AKA Luis AKA The Beast working out the bill following the Accies Awards Dinner 2009. "One for the restaurant, two for me, one for the restaurant, two for me..."

Comedy quotes...

Ahead of Blackpool V Middlesbrough tonight, a website has listed ten of the funniest quotes from respective managers Ian Holloway and Gordon Strachan. These are the highlights:

Ian Holloway

'Apparently it's my fault that the Titanic sank.'
On criticism from Plymouth Argyle fans.

Reporter: Are you enjoying your time in Blackpool, Ian?
Holoway: I love Blackpool. We're very similar. We both look better in the dark.

'I have such bad luck at the moment that if I fell in a barrel of boobs I'd come out sucking my thumb.'

Gordon Strachan

'If a Frenchman goes on about seagulls, trawlers and sardines, he’s called a philosopher. I’d just be called a short Scottish bum talking crap.'
Gordon Strachan in response to Cantona's famous seagulls quote.

Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy to get your first win under your belt, won't you?
Strachan: You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you're spot on there.

Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there.

A few thanks etc.....

Just a brief post regarding the awards celebration...

Firstly, congratulations to all the winners and nominated players in all categories all well deserved, but on personal note if I could have mentioned every single player I would have for all the effort they have given over this past year.

I would also like to thank Luis for organising the awards, Andy Dade for remembering the trophies and also Andrea for finding the results sheet and saving the evening. Obvious thanks to Phil and Stuart for everything this year, what would we do without them? Special thanks to Simon for his eloquent and informative assistance and for stepping into Gary's shoes to pass on the award for player's player of year.

Only the Golden boot to be sorted so still fun to be had and hopefully a good solid finish to a very exiciting year.

Up the ACCIES

Love it!

My favourite moment*  from a really enjoyable night's football.(*the goal, not the injury)

Well taken goal from MOTM Luis Sandoval, crowning a good night's work for the whole team.

Can't help feeling sorry for the Oppo's keeper who left Palace in an ambulance with a dislocated shoulder. Hope he's better soon. The game was played in a great spirit and i'm sure we'll all look forward to a re-match against MRC Ewell in 2010.

Match report.

  Despite falling behind to two first half goals, Effra were never outplayed by the much younger MRC Ewell side. Effra retained a quiet confidence that they could  rescue the game.Everyone played well. Tremayne, on his return from a long injury layoff, slotted in seemlessly at fullback. No one panicked. No one said anything negative. No one let their head drop. Everyone concentrated on playing neat, simple, passing  football. It worked. Let's not forget this lesson.

 Sam with a long range shot and Mes with beautifully struck shot from a sublime Sene through ball, levelled the scores. At 2-2,  MRC Ewell seemed there for the taking , but a goal against the run of play restored their lead. Luis' equaliser  will remain long in the memory, as will the enjoyment of a night when everyone set their ego's to one side and played for their teammates.

Home Comforts

One of the joys of watching Charlton this season has been the chance to visit strange and exotic locations, such as Yeovil, Hartlepool,Carlisle etc. Sadly, so far my only trip has been to take in Brighton's temporary home at the Withdean Stadium. If I tell you that on every Thursday night we play in a stadium far superior to a professional, League 1 team, who only 25 years ago should've won the FA cup, for me, it makes all those rainy, windy nights worthwile!

Good at Being Bad

Unfortunately Miami didn't film Mes's goal.

Fortunately, this being a big game, Mickael  was also filming the game with a second camera.

Unfortunately, Mes's early strike was the high water mark of our night's endeavours. 

  True to form, the Accies shit it on the big occasion. A bright start soon gave way to the sort of tragi-comic farce that so often makes a mockery of our pre-match optimism. Mott hit back with 2 goals of their own and the Accies never really recovered. Even so, Perre had 2 great chances  in the first half to wrestle the initiative back from a neat and tidy Mott McDonald side. A close range header and  long range strike both whistled over the bar. 

In the second half, Gobby was unlucky when his heroic last ditch challenge was judged to be a foul. The Mott  penalty was converted to create what turned out to be an unassailable 2 goal cushion.

 Mott were never able to relax though and were made to sweat until the end, although in truth the Accies  seemed more likely to start a fight than a comeback.

A crushingly disappointing night then, but let's keep things in perspective. This was only the 3rd or 4th poor performance in our past 15  games. The real test of character will be whether we can bounce back with a good performance next week.

Congratulations by the way, to  Thorney and Stuart, for whom the night marked a 100th and 200th Accies 11 a side  appearance respectively.

Big thanks to Charlie for bringing down a barmy army of supporters for the night. Just sorry we didn't give them something to cheer. What chance a return to Accies action in 2010 for the popular ex Red and Blue regular?

Accies-related quiz time! What do these famous fellas have in common?

Me and the other Ginger Pele

As you'll see here, I'm not the only "ginger baldy" (© TBALT) who's about to play his 200th 11-a-side game for his beloved club!  Super Gary Doherty, who Spurs fans were devastated to lose (ahem!) when he signed for Norwich, is also hitting that magic milestone – also in a cup game (the prestigious Round 2 of the FA Cup).  Wish I had as many career goals as Gary, mind you...

Learn from the master

 Luis was very excited about capturing this aberration from Mes.

Sorry Mes - I'm sure i'll be posting some masterful moments from you later this week.

How to keep injury free

Footage of Coach making sure no-one got injured ahead of this week's important cup game.

Raging Bull

Footage of our gentle club manager  behaving as if someone's pepper sprayed his plums.

I hope you're happy, Caldwell

All-time 11-a-side appearances stats for anyone who's played 5 or more games for us now feature somewhere in the right-hand column of this here blog.  To say that it took a bit of time would be reasonably accurate.  Still, at least now the current playing squad can enjoy the fevered excitement of the battle for 9th place between Simon and Joe; plus the equally thrilling jostling for position between Neil and Neill and between Barry and Tremayne...

What is mildly exciting – just pretend to go along with it, why don't you – is that a week on Thursday, if selected, I will make it to 200 appearances and Lex Luthor will reach his century.  Nice one.

I might treat myself to a few weeks off before I start tackling the 5-a-side appearance stats...

Goal Of The Year 2009

I did a quick trolley dash round the Accies video vault and grabbed the first dozen goals that i could find.There are more - 2 of Sam's excellent goals for a start. Remind me of any other missing goals and i'll dig them out and put them on a second film. Also I know Mes has a couple of goals on a mini DVD disc. 

  We're going to have a MOTD style Goal of the year competition- details to be announced soon - winner to be announced at at the awards dinner.

 The cameras only captured some of our goals - so if you can remember  any other good goals, we could film  Fantasy Football style re-enactments next week - unless we've got better things to do.... like train for a cup game.

Great Effort All Round

Last night's 2-1 loss to Dolphin was an unfortunate affair. After having to face an incredible onslaught of weather in the first half we were level at 1-1 which was a great effort given the circumstances.

The defence were superb in their application, even when changes were made at half time they soon got their rhythm back. Once we went behind in the second half the team really went for it, aying intelligent and attacking football which on other night's would have reaped many a goal but it was just not to be.

Players seem to be picking up their game and attitude with MI cup game on horizon and I just hope this attitude and application carries on as it is bringing good results and breeding confidence

Stat fatigue

Spurred on by Elbows, my evenings are currently taken up by staring at cells with numbers in them, as I edge closer to conclusive stats on 11-a-side appearances.  For now, Mr Caldwell, as a taster, here's the Top 3:

1.  Stuart Dade      199 (I should be dropped for the Mott game just to spite me)

2. Andrew Dade    181

3. Phil Caldwell    173

Now, pre-match sleep awaits...

Christmas Meal

  Message from Social Sec.

Luis has left a small holding deposit for the meal at Lorenzo's  - fri 4th Dec.

To confirm the booking we need  a list of 20 people confirmed as attending - and we need £5 per head deposit.

It would be a huge help if each of you could confirm to Luis this week whether you and your partner plan to attend - and please hand over the cash so that Luis can secure the booking this week.

  It'll be a great night - the food and drink is really good at Lorenzo - and with the added spice of the annual player awards it should be a really enjoyable event.

The Excel Spreadsheet Never Lies, as Bucks Fizz nearly said

My adventures in statto-land continue and this morning I finally concluded my work on the "all-time goalscorers" list - the table showing who has scored all of the 1,002 goals in Accies history.  Naturally, the infallible nature of Excel has shown up my old-school adding-up as being predictably inaccurate, in particular at the top of the table.  For reasons best known to the bit of my brain that once helped me scrape a grade C in O level maths, Oscar has scored 74 career Accies goals, not the 71 I'd previously thought.  I suspected 71 was wrong as I didn't think it included his 2 goals in the 11-a-side between AC Effra and Inter Effra, but even that only added up to 73, so where the 74th goal came from is anyone's guess at this stage.  I will launch a full investigation, but Excel formulas never lie, so there must be clear daylight between Oscar and Graham Dietz, the latter being most definitely on 71 goals!

Still awake?  Here's the Top 10 (not including OGs):

Jonathan Patterson 74

Graham Dietz 71

Joe Sene 64

Ian Holmes 61 (my old stats document gave him 62 - maybe I stole one of Oscar's goals and gave it to the Gaffer?)

Simon Mesner 58

David Rudd 57

Steve Spurdens 42

Kenny Butler 35

Gary White 31

Andrew Dade 31

Impressively it contains 5 fellas who still play regularly!  Further down the chart is Thorny on 27 goals, Elbows on 26 and RAUCHENBERG! on 13.  And now I really must go before my Board of Directors clocks me one...

Huff and puff but just no luck!

Last night's game was a great game for the neutral but a heart attack for COACHES!! End to end stuff that makes football such a beautiful game at times. We started the game extremely well defending strongly and looking for the breakthrough albeit by trying extravagant passing that needs to be eradicated as the risks did not need to be taken.

Mickael started well up front chasing the ball down and trying to wi flicks for Mes but with not much luck. We grew stronger as the half went on and an inspired substitution from the coaching staff (hooray to us) led to Steve playing a quick though ball which sub Bobby ran on to and finished in style with a strong shot beyond the keeper's reach.

Yet again though we were undone by taking our eye off the game and being caught out by a hopeful cross that fell behind the forward who executed an overhead kick that evaded both Stuart and Lee and hit the roof of the net. After this we again began to dominate the game again, but time and time again instead of short passing we were looking for balls that were 'Match of the Day' material instead of proper football. The forwards were making intelligent runs just to be ignored or turn around to see players losing the ball and this was frustrating to watch.

We began the second half in a more positive manner, using the ball with more intelligent but again our choice of ball began to go awry. Moving Joe into midfield although he was playing well out wide reaped dividends as he put a superb ball through for Bobby to get his second with another controlled finish.

After the goal we were under a bit of pressure and although the defence were excellent throughout, they reacted a little slowly to Barry's interception and the forward stole in to finish. A word on the defence, they were asked to play the offside line last night and it worked very well when they moved as a unit as long as they worked together they were strong and difficult to break down and they should be lauded for their efforts in playing this system.

A 2-2 draw is at least a positive result and not a defeat, a game we could have won but were unfortunate not to win. A good all round performance from Joe earned him a deserved man of the match award but also Lee make some excellent saves throughout the game and Barry had an ecouraging 90 mins after his injury so things begining to look up again.

Up the Accies!

Grafton Game - Extended highlights

Here's a 3x longer version of last week's highlights package.

Rudd classic

During yet another stalled attempt to put together an Accies anniversary video, i did at least have the pleasure of stumbling upon this gem. One of my favourite all time Accies goals from one of my favourite all time Accies. The footage doesn't quite keep up with the ball but then neither did the keeper. Stu- what was the year?

Preparation

Quick note to say thanks to everyone for confirming attendance for this weeks game.  It makes a big difference if Neill has a full 48 hours to plan for the match.

Let's build on this by all  aiming to get to the changing room a few minutes before 8pm so we can be changed and ready to warm up by 8pm.

All to play for..

After a game against a much improved Grafton side, we still have it all to play for in our next MI Cup match. Whatever the result against Grafton a win would really have been a requirement against Mott's to ensure passage to the next round.

As long as we work together towards the next match with enthusiasm and confidence in our ability I am sure we can progress to the next stage.

1000 goals

Here's some of the footage from last night's game. Don't know if it's a sign of progress that people were so upset that we only managed to draw, or if it signals a return of the Accies Panto season. Let's hope it's the former.

  My approach will be to ask myself what i can do next week to help my teammates win rather than to dwell on who's fault it was that we didn't win this week.

  Big thanks to Baz for taking some great footage and to Junior for  coming down and playing in his least favourite position. Really nice to see Mickael again too. Luke performed a sterling job in his dual role as both  director of the communication centre and Barmy Army stalwart.

 Thanks to Greg and Perre for taking the time and trouble to help arrange extra cover for the squad. Everyone's contribution is appreciated and noted. Finally, huge thanks to Tremayne for helping out by  filling in for our absent coach. In my view it's no accident that our good run of form has coincided with the additional support Tremayne has provided for the coaching staff since his injury.

  We all have different views  and can learn from each other. Let's push on and win next week. After all, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum....

p.s  think we all got nervous when Gobby asked for  a pot of vaseline after the Grafton number 12 elbowed him in the head. Was Gobby seeking medical assistance or was he planning to exact terrible revenge on his assailant? 

  

goal 1000

I remember it so clearly. I'd just been subbed, I was strolling to find my water, couldn't locate either my bag or bottle, panicing, I found it 5 yards away from where I thought it was. There was a yell, players were running back to the half way line, arms in the air, the 1000th goal had been scored and I bloody missed it! Still inspired substitution though.

The Tricky Live Text Update!

10.10pm: 1-1, full-time. All to play for in the MI Cup group. Well played lads, 1pt on the board, could've been better but could've been worse! One final meaningless stat to finish with: October 2009 has been the most active month yet in terms of blog posts: 32 new entries this month, beating the previous record of 31. Thanks to everyone who's posted and if anyone out there who hasn't posted before would like to do so, give me a shout!

9.59pm: We've been under pressure for most of the second half apparently, but as Luke answered the phone just then we almost scored. On one of our counterattacking moves, Joe attempted to chip the keeper, whose 1oft height (apparently) enabled him to just tip the ball over the bar.

9.40pm: As well as the crucial points in the MI Cup that are at stake, there's a meaningless statistic now hanging in the balance - we've never previously lost to Grafton Strollers. There are precious few teams about whom I can say that, and certainly none that we've played as often as we've played Grafton. I think this is the sixth or seventh time we've played them and we've won all but one of our previous encounters, the other having been drawn 1-1. With 18 minutes to go I don't think any Accies player would be prepared to settle for the draw...

9.35pm: 1-1. Free-kick came in and was parried away by Junior, but a Grafton player was first to the ball and headed it, I think, in. Subs news: Luis came on for Joe and Phill came on for Dave in the first half. Mickael has just gone on for Greg.

9.30pm: Update from pitchside - Neil G received a cut to the head just before half-time, but is playing on, Terry Butcher/Paul Ince-like. We're currently under a bit of pressure, but we're holding firm.

9.23pm: Might phone TBALT for a match report so far, as the tension is starting to get to me. We're possibly 37 minutes away from 3pts in the MI Cup. Must find out where and when Grafton vs Mott is taking place in case it's convenient to attend. Could be a crucial match in determining whether we progress to the Quarter Finals. In the interests of keeping the footy cliches coming, I should point out that if we do manage to prevail tonight, our destiny will be in our own hands. Wahey.

9.09pm: 1-0!!! Simon Mesner. Long ball forward, headed flick-on from Greg Rainey and Simon ran on to it and slid the ball into the net. 1,000, just done it! And with that goal the Accies No 10 moves level with Gary White as top all-time 11-a-side goalscorer for Effra Academicals with 31 goals. And one closer to Thorny in the race for the 2009 Golden Boot - Lex has 11 and Shaky is now knocking on the Green Door in This Ole House behind which the Golden Boot is being kept, that analogy really doesn't work... anyway, Simon has 10 goals.

9pm: Well, we still await the 1,000th Accies goal (perhaps, like the first ever Accies goal, it'll be an OG?) but at least we can safely say we're doing better than in our first MI Cup group game in 2008. I think we were 3-0 down by now.

8.50pm: Junior in goal, Phil C at RB, Dave and Lee CB, Neil G at LB, Perre RW, Andy T and Sam CM, Joe LW, Greg and Simon up front (Greg playing "off" Simon. Bench: Luis, Phill A, Mickael. 0-0 after 20 minutes, the passing is "a bit scrappy" but " we're trying to play football".

8.40pm: Will there be a cup upset? I wonder.

8.30pm: First Contact has been made with a crocked player, a Mr Luke John Fallon, no 14, who is unsure as yet of the starting line-up on account of still being on a bus to the venue. He's "a few minutes away" and so, therefore, is any useful information.

8.23pm: Am now unsure of who, pitchside, will be providing me with info, because my usual reporter, Dade A, is in EN8 and is, in fact, the "you" that the previous sentence refers to. Shall wait until after kick-off and start badgering injured Accies.

8.20pm: Hoping to bring you (who am I kidding? There is no "you") the starting line-up soon.

8.11pm: Son and heir is now upstairs with the Board Of Directors. They're watching something called The Restaurant together. Feel free to contact Social Services. Before the next Accies tie I am going to have to run and/or swim off the 32oz steak I ate earlier today, otherwise I may resemble the cow I just consumed.

7.57pm: Am feeling slightly less guilty about missing The Big Match as I am actually a poorly chap - the usual throaty virus - so I'd have been a bystander tonight even if I had made it to Palace. Am intrigued to know the starting line-up and cautiously optimistic about our chances tonight.

7.53pm: This one won't be easy because the son and heir is still wide awake, having been allowed a major lunchtime kip in order to ensure total cooperation and cuteness out for an early evening meal with Nanny and Grandad Dade, Uncle Rick, Aunty Jenny And Cousin Bump. So his finger is literally on the mousepad as I type, making this a tricky task...

Excited all round!

It's Thursday, its 10.30am, already I'm getting my kit together, and have that slightly sick feeling in my stomach I only get on match days. Later, during the warm up it'll turn into a full blown retch, which I used to put down to eating too close to kick off, but since I cut that out, I know it's pre match excitment(I do'nt get nervous!!). This is a typical non work day pre match routine, I'll leave ridiculously early, as for some reason the 6.15 train does not stop at my station, and try to enjoy the 1.5 to 2 hours journey through the tail end of the rush hour to Palace. Work days will see me leave Welwyn Garden at 17.21, and enjoy the much quicker, but more hectic train/tube bonanza. It used to be so easy, 2mins walk from house through the car park, arrive at pitch side, even living in Bromley it was a 40min bus ride. How do other long distance Accies make it on a Thursday?
I'm equally excited to hear rumours of the return of the Dutch games. They are easily the pinnicle of any Accies season. The first year I played, myself Luke and Ant were asked by a Dutch waitress why we were in Holland, we told her playing football, she asked us if we were professionals! Gza put me and Sue up in a themed hotel, unfortunately Sue's vertigo prevented us sleeping in the jungle room, and we were woken very early on match day by one of those giant pipe organs outside. We enjoyed post match bitteballen, made out of shit supposedly, oh and I scored twice in a 3-1 win!! Bring it back ASAP

Emergency! 999!

Clearly the last thing anyone needs on the day of a crucial cup match is the distraction of a meaningless statistic. So look away now, strikers. Because the Accies have scored 999 recorded goals and so, maths fans, our first goal tonight will be the 1,000th in the club's history. Maybe everyone should be wearing vests underneath the Accies tops with "1,000 - just done it" and a Nike swoosh? No, definitely not - nothing would be a greater guarantee of us drawing a blank in front of goal.

Not sure where I'm going to be later, so the thrill-a-minute typo-fest that is the Live Text Update might not happen tonight. But I'll be in mobile contact with the Barmy Army of injured Accies and I demand good news! Good luck lads - and thanks in advance to any fellas that come and help us out. Up the Accies!

Accies in MI Cup strong squad shock

Against all the odds it looks like we've actually got a strong squad for this week's cup game. Joe is now available , so we should have  a strong  first 11 plus at least 2 subs.

Greg's brother in law Charlie is available if needed.

Return of the Anglo Dutch Cup?

 2010 could be the year that the Dutch mount  a belated challenge for the cup that was won in dramatic style by the Accies in 2007.

More details to follow over the next few weeks.

Also in the pipeline - possible 3 team tournament in Durham - Lots of football fun, and we may even get to stay in a castle.

Plans are still at a very early stage.

All i need you to do now is let me know whether you're up for a trip to Holland and/or the North East. Events are likely to take place in the spring and autumn of 2010.

Two-Two

Good goal from Mes.

I'll put more highlights on the blog over the next week if i get time

nil-one, one-one.

Here's Claxton's first goal and Sam's swift response.

plenty more good footage. 

Thanks to Miami for some excellent camerawork.

A Game too far....

I suppose the best that can be said about last night's 2-4 defeat was that when we played, we played well and when we didn't we were punished. All in all I don't think we deserved to lose the game on the balance of play as we created a fair few chances throughout the match but finishing was our nemesis yet again.

We need to be more clinical in front of goal when chances arise, as well as being more selective about when to pass and when to shoot. When we attack with confidence we are very threatening but on many occasions we give away the ball too easily and instead of trying to wrestle back possession we leave the defence exposed to breaks and there is only so much they can do before being breached.

Hopefully players will be contemplating this prior to next weeks MI Cup match and these errorswill start to be eradicated.

Injury time

I have about 10 minutes before I need to leave Now Towers and head for Palace, so I thought I'd knock up a quick post before setting off to face Claxton.  I wanted to say how great it is when injured Accies attend matches, lending their support either in practical ways (assisting the Coach with tactical shenanigans; videoing the action) or just as Barmy Army members, shouting encouragement.  It shows terrific commitment to the cause when a crocked player comes down to stay involved - and believe me, that commitment is noted by those of us who are "running" the club.  I know how it feels to be on the sidelines as I missed a couple of months back in 2005 with a horrible shoulder injury.  Sadly my video work at the time left a great deal to be desired (Phil will testify - he says my efforts are 'comedy gold', which wasn't the effect I was aiming for).

So if you're out of action at the moment or, heaven forbid, at any time in the future, please do keep turning up at the True Theatre Of Dreams (still don't accept Man Utd's hijacking of that title for their home) - it means a lot to those of us out on the pitch and it shows tremendous commitment.  Right, got to go!  Up the Accies!

full highlights

Best make a brew and put your feet up for this one - it's quite a long clip.

There's loads more good footage that'll probably end up in an end of year or anniversary DVD,

In truth, the quality of the camerawork surpasses that of the football but i hope the film reflects that it was an enjoyable, friendly game.

Oscar speaks

....just about.  Great to see Oscar on Saturday. From the evidence of this interview it looks like he had to go deep into the red zone to pull out what was an excellent performance.

Penalty shootout

Here's the penalty shootout.My favourite moments include Gobby's emphatic penalty and the look on Ant's face when he realises he's going to have to go and fetch the ball after Oscar blazes high and wide. Also, couldn't help enjoying Billy's superlative 'Mr Burns' impression - at least Billy had his mate Alex there to...ahem.. console him.

Highlights of the actual game to follow in the next few hours or possibly days.

Also - don't think we actually decided on names for the 2 teams in the end - any suggestions?

I've always liked Real Ale Madrid as a sunday league name.

Free Blue Peter badge for winning entry.

Post match interview

Steve and Mes start a rumour in this short clip

Goal?

For what it's worth I think this footage shows that Tremayne was correct in his decision not to award Steve's 'goal' on Saturday.  

There's lots more great footage from Saturday's anniversary match - Big thanks to Mes for his sterling work behind the camera. 

Thanks to everyone who came on Saturday to play and to watch the game.

I'll put more footage on the Blog tomorrow if i get time.

Anniversary Match Day Programme

Here's the plan:

Two 45min 11 a side fixtures tomorrow.

2pm Current Accies XI vs Oppo XI

3pm Dinamo Bar Pitch XI vs Streatham North End XI

If either tie is level after 45 mins , a penalty shootout will decide the winner.

Hopefully everyone will be able to play in both fixtures. The first fixture is self explanatory. For the second fixture, attendees will be split into 2 squads to form the 2 sides.

Should be a great afternoon - emphasis is on having a bit of fun, not winning at all costs. . Strictly no dodgy tackles and no handbags.

Please all turn up by 1.30pm , so we can be ready to kick off at 2pm.

Up the Accies!

Grafton Strollers Full Time Score just in...

"4-1 F-T. Coach with last kick of the game"

Grafton Stroller Live Score Update (21:58)

"3-1 up. Perre 2, Thorny 1"

A non-statistical post!

To win 7-3 in a game full of attacking football is a marvellous way to spend a Thursday evening in London.

Let's talk about goals but not the ones you think I mean. Sam's goal owed much to his 'bust a gut' run after the ball was cleared from the corner. If you watch the video, Phil (I think) hit a great clearance from our box to the half way line. I thought I could get the ball and had two go's at the defender, the second one knocking the ball away from him a couple of paces and making him stumble. However, I was on the wrong side of him to get there easily and thought that he'd recover before I could get the ball. But like a cross between a giraffe and a cheetah, Sam arrived at great speed and left the 1860 defenders trailing in his wake. I was running to his left and just behind him so had a great view of him looking up to see where I was, clocking the 'keeper then shaping for the shot and putting it high in the net (in a similar way to Joe's goal two weeks ago). It was a lovely finish but his alertness from the clearance and his great run gave him the opportunity.

Perre's goal was well deserved as in the second half he gave the Lambeth boys a roasting (not the type the tabloids associate footballers with) particularly down our right flank. The finish with his side foot on the run, ahead of his marker was highly skilled. But let's not forget the assist from Joe, a delicious curling left foot low cross from the left wing after a sprint down that side following good approach play from both players previously in the build up.

I also enjoyed two comments at half time. Neill described a gap in the opposition's defence as 'a fucking big fucking hole'. I'm not sure exactly how large this is but it sounds enormous. Andy Thornes then called the Lambeth back line, 'Slugs'. I'm sure he meant they were slow rather than they were leaving silver trails behind them. It reminded me of David Brent after he has been told off by Neil Godwin, the new boss from the other office, referring to the 'Swindon lot' as 'little slugs'.

Here's hoping for more goals and a few more comedy comments this week.

A largely meaningless table, posted purely to see what it looks like and to 'prove' that we're on 991 goals...

Year	Pl	Won	Drwn	Lost	For	Against
1999	30	2	2	26	17	77
2000	92	16	14	62	60	161
2001	181	38	46	97	131	303
2002	194	29	47	118	128	356
2003	112	39	29	44	150	180
2004	47	18	6	23	128	179
2005	41	8	7	26	68	140
2006	62	19	10	33	111	174
2007	34	11	4	19	81	98
2008	38	8	4	26	65	123
2009	33	7	6	20	52	104
Totals	864	195	175	494	991	1,895

Stats: The Big One

OK, a quick one before I turn in for the night.  By my reckoning (ably assisted by Excel's ability to count), in all matches across all forms of the game (we've played 5-a-side, 8-a-side, 9-a-side and 11-a-side over the years) for all the many teams under what I traditionally call 'the Effra Academicals umbrella', a total of 991 goals have been recorded as scored.

Some might say it's a somewhat arbitrary figure, as it includes goals from a couple of ad hoc 5-a-side mini-tournos down at Elmers End in 2006, where we split into 3 teams and had a competition, but for my money those games/goals count as the matches were refereed and the results were recorded for my "official" stats document.  Besides, the mere fact that I've managed to figure this out before we pass the milestone is, in my sad existence, tremendous news!

So, does anyone think there should be some prize for the player who scores what I shall refer to as the 1,000th Accies goal?  And if so, what?  And how would you feel if we were on 999 goals and you stepped up to take a penalty?  Yikes.  In the meantime, I'll do my best to double check the total before we get any closer to it!

Just to keep Stu on his toes....

Just been looking over few stats(some good, some bad), and just have few points to stick in with a view to upcoming games...

Over the last ten games our win percentage is 40% which is extremely encouraging we have also scored more than we have conceded (32-28) so we are averaging 3.2 goals per game! Our overall win percentage for the year is 21.2% but our current loss percentage is 60%. This is mainly down to a very poor middle section of the year in May and June where we only managed two draws in nine games.

But the way we have rallied together since this period and have started performing to our capability is a testament to the desire of the players witin the squad and long may it continue.

It's all looking good.....in da accies hood!

7-3, it's been a while since that sort of scoreline has been in our favour, but if it was ever deserved last Thursday was it. An absolutely superb all round team performance even given 'The Mighty Mes Show' on the goal front!

A very slow start from us, which was something we had not suffered from for a while, cost us a poor goal for which everyone shared the blame. This was just the catalyst we needed to burst into life, the movement at times when attacking was mesmerising and the passing matched at times to make us extremely difficult to defend against.

Again, the defence were outstanding as we were under pressure for several periods throughout the game, yet Lee and those in front of him repelled wave after wave of oppo attack. Each time we were under the cosh we were also very threatening on the break (Sam goal and Mes slide shot are examples of this).

Again the signs are very encouraging as our run of form continues to impress. Thanks to asst coach Tremayne for his handling of the game again judging subs with great finesse.

Long term signs are good with Andy Dade on the road to recovery as well as Tremayne and hopefully Graeme and Bobby not too far off the selection headaches will continue.......unfortunately now I have lost a form player in Mr Sene for a month at least but that is for reasons we are all happy for and wish them all the best.

Up the Accies

1x marauding run as per request

Stu - Here at 'The Accies Blog'  we value  feedback from our readers.

I'm sorry that on this occasion you felt that your contribution  to the team's performance was not adequately reflected in the weekly highlights package. Whilst not seeking to excuse this editorial failure,  'The Accies Blog ' would like to point  out  that Mrs Elbows was due back from the shops any minute, resulting in a curtailment of the usual quality auditing process. 

 I hope that this clip goes some way to restoring your confidence in 'The Accies Blog'

Goals galore

By the miracle of  modern technology - here are the full second half highlights - coming to you like a digital phoenix from the flames. Perre's goal, a couple of near misses, an 1860 O.g and  the 3rd and 4th goals from Mes. Phew!

Some Footage retrieved

Managed to retrieve the build up to  the first goal of the second half

'ave it Sam

Thanks to Miami for capturing this footage  of Sam's great goal last night.

Unfortunately it  seems that Miami taped over footage Mes's fantastic four goal haul whilst filming  Mes's  semi nude speech. Sorry Mes. On the plus side I could make a few copies and get the DVD lady to sell it on as mild gay porn*. - few quid for the club - everyone's a winner.

*In response to feedback from Mes, the Accies Blog would like to Apologise unreservedly to the Accies number 10 for any distress caused. We are happy to concede that the semi nude footage of Mes could equally be marketed as straight porn for a female audience. In fact, good idea.... 

Random ramblings for 10 minutes

A few quick thoughts...

1. Nice 10th anniversary win, fellas.

2. Thanks for understanding re: the postponement of certain aspects of the anniversary do (all invited guests will receive email confirmation of the New Plan today). It probably helped that you all heard the news from a man (Mes) standing in his pants.  It kept the heckling to a minimum because we all just wanted it to be over... Elbows wasn't far off the mark (as usual) when he said "the day will be exactly the same, but without the speeches" - the truth is that the evening do, when it happens in January, will be much, much more than just a couple of speeches.  It'll be a truly fitting celebration of 10 years of this mighty club.  But for the time being, Saturday 17 October will do nicely.  We want as many players and spectators as possible for 2-4pm in the stadium, then all back to our favourite pub/nemesis (delete as applicable).  Elbows is considering an Accies "what happened next?" DVD quiz!

3. Enjoyed Joe's impersonation of Surrey Envelopes' "Fat Gazza" last night, and also listening to a few Blue Flag Sunday league "war stories".  I always enjoy the Blue Flag tales but I also enjoy the fact that the ex-Blue Flaggers are now playing football at a level where punch-ups and other acts of stupidity are foreign things!  Does that makes sense?  Well, I know what I mean, anyway.

4. Enjoyed the levels of positivity last night.  Although it helped that we managed to go in at half-time 2-1 up, not 1-0 or even 2-0 down!  We would've rightly been given a verbal kicking after 45 mins if Simon's goals hadn't turned the game around!  We deserved the first-half goals because as I recall, Joe forced a good save, the Coach stabbed a shot agonisingly wide and Simon had at least one other first-half chance, if not two, on top of the brace he scored - but my word, we needed the brace he scored.  It must've hurt 1860 Lambeth to have been so much on top of us, only to end up 4-1 down not far into the 2nd half.  Ouch.  When 1860 made it 4-2, I heard one of their lads say "Come on, we can do this," and remembering Accies comebacks in the past (0-3 down against the Dutch, anyone?) I did shudder at the thought that in football, anything's possible.  Luckily Sam made it 5-2 very soon after that Lambeth call to arms (and congrats Sam for a well deserved and emphatically taken debut goal).

5.  Anyone else in the club an Excel geek?  I've just started work on an Excel stats document to replace my current document which is basically a long-hand list of results and line-ups etc.  I'm a bit of a beginner when it comes to Excel, so if you know the tips and tricks, let me know and I'll email you the document, albeit it's very much a work in progress!

6. Son and heir is, not unreasonably, demanding attention.  So I'm off.  Up the Accies!

Dietz turn

In a vain attempt to get cracking with an anniversary film, i've  dusted off a few clips from the Accies' video vault. Here's some footage from a few years ago.

Photos

Here are some of the excellent photos taken by Joe on Thursday.

Just Bad Luck

Well, what can I say, in my personal opinion we were extremely unlucky in our latest contest with Dolphin. To lose 2-0 considering our performance is a little hard to take, but that's football.

Dolphin were always going to pull out the stops considering last week's game and the inclusion of John Lizou proved that they wanted to turn us over in revenge!

However we were not about to let them have it their own way and defended resolutely througout the game with the back four doing their upmost to preserve our current run, unfortunately we were undone by two clinical finishes by Mr Lizou.

Throughout the game we defended well and attacked very well, we mixed up our approach play and passing ranges and kept Dolphin guessing all the way, turning thier defence on a multitude of occasions just to find our luck was out, two dodgy offside decisions, a missed penalty and a goalie on form kept us from a deserved victory.

Well played to all and to Tremayne for his handling of the game from the sideline.

C.S.I

Hard to believe that Dolphin actually protested against the ref's decision to award  a pen. For the record it was definitely a  foul, certainly in the area and probably constituted an actual crime.

The ref was in no doubt - He pointed to the spot before Greg could get his Tazer out. 

He shoots...but he doesn't score!

Sorry Andy, but couldn't help posting this picture of your penalty being saved last night!

Dolphin re-match replaces 5 a side comp.

5 a side is cancelled this week. Instead there will be a re-match vs Dolphin, on astro, at Palace.

13 players confirmed as available this week. Just waiting for confirmation from Lee re keeper situation. Otherwise all systems go.

Anniversary shirts order

I'm going to  order another batch of white, Addidas, Accies anniversary shirts  tomorrow.

If you want a shirt let me know now. Cost is approx £13 with club badge or approx £20 with badge, numbers  and initials. I can only order a shirt for you if you can guarantee that you will bring cash for it on Thurs.

Tell me what size you want too. 

5 a side tournament

We're having a friendly  inter Accies 5 a side tournament this Thursday at GOALS, Elmers End.

Let me know ASAP if  you can make it. Friends, associate members etc all welcome.

2 pitches booked , so everyone will get a full night's football.

We need 20 people confirmed by 4pm Weds.

if we don't get the numbers we'll train instead.

Good news is that from next week - 8th Oct - we're back on grass every week.

Nailed on pen

Great work from Mes to win the pen. Refreshing to see the Dolphin defence unable to cope with our attack. Bit 'Man bites dog' that. 

Coolly taken pen from Andy T.

Goal of the season?

This is good

Good goal

Here's a  sneak preview of some of the Hut's excellent footage from Thursday's game. I'll upload some more footage as soon as i get time.

It's the return of the real-time update...

10.07pm: Soundtrack: Thank You Friends by Big Star.  Well that IS apt.  Thank you friends for playing a blinder!  Thank you friends for keeping me informed!  Thank you friends 10 years ago for making this happen!  Thank you friends ever since for keeping it going!  And thank you friends for doing it all again next week!  My work here is done.  Enjoy the post-match pints fellas!

10.04pm "Come on Accies, let's keep nibbling at 'em!" So says Bazza as the game draws to a close.  Well put my man.  And the lights are out - what a win!  4-2 and No Lizou Required!

10.01pm:  Game continues.  String of great saves from the Coach, who sounds like a candidate for MOTM to me, although clearly Le Taxi and Lex will be in with a shout too, having, as they say, bagged a brace each.  A pair of braces, if you will.  Soundtrack:  Mind Control by Stephen Marley... my mind control to attempt to persuade the ref to blow the final whistle has failed.

9.56pm:  Still 4-2 with less than 5 mins to go (unless Miami has smashed his phone up in anger because Riders have scored 3 times?)  Ah, The Hut calls to inform me that a Dolphin shot hits the bar and rebound down, but - crucially - didn't go in.  "Negative.  It didn't go in.  It just impacted on the surface."  Now Elbows is being spoken to by the ref for his involvement in some kind of fisticuffs - !!! - in the area as Dolphin prepared to take a corner.  Crikey.  Surely to goodness the next call will be to tell me the final whistle has been blown/lights have gone off, whichever signals the end of the game first...

9.50pm:  RAUCHENBERG! broke down left, Dangermouse (on for Shaky) made a good run but strayed offside, so RAUCHENBERG! had to shoot and that strike was punched away by the Dolphin keeper.  I'd really be much happier if the match scrappily petered out to a conclusion now... every time the phone rings I panic!  Am now listening to Dark Days by DJ Shadow on th'iPod - luckily the Accies are experiencing anything but Dark Days right now - hey, how's that for a cheesy DJ link?!  Wonder how much longer I can type stress-free gibberish before Miami calls back to worry me once more?  Now listening to Uncloudy Days by The Staple Singers - that's more like it, these are indeed Uncloudy Days for Effra!  The metaphorical sun is shining brightly, reflecting off mine, Dixon and Lex's heads...

9.45pm: Dolphin shot, brilliant save by the Coach.  The shot was from wide right, on target but Neill leapt and tipped it over the crossbar.  Then Spuds headed off the line from the resulting corner.  We then broke and had a chance of our own cut out, but they then broke back and Ian Henderson scored from fully 25 yards.  So now it is indeed 4-2.  12 mins or so to go... squeaky bum time if they make it 4-3.  Which they nearly did, Miami just called back to say Coach just made another brilliant save.

9.43pm:  Blimey, what an action-packed match.  Lex is now outright 3rd in the All-Time 11-a-side scorers list with 26, while Joe has moved up that list from 11th= to 8th=.  Honestly, I'm shattered here.  It's Tremayne who's the real winner because all this typing by me is surely saving him the bother of doing a third successive match report.  Oh, and The Hut is videoing the match!

9.38pm:  I mean to say 4-1, clearly!  So the view from the touchline, if you can't translate my so-called touch-typing below, was that Simon had taken the ball too wide after beating the offside trap.  But he hadn't - he crossed brilliantly (as he did a couple of weeks ago for Mickael - hey, where's Mickael tonight? - to score).  Lex met the cross and laid the ball off to Joe who was central in the area and he scored!  You wait more than 2 years for a Joe goal and then two come along at once!

9.37pm: 4-2!!!!!  Si mes broke thru offside trap taken it too wide hadnt crossed it, Throny laid it off to Joe centrally who sv=cored!

9.36pm:  Below is the best I can type while Miami explains how Dolphin missed a golden opportunity to reduce the deficit to 3-2.

9.35pm:  bout min ago Dolh good chance score broke thru pen area all had do side foot with right foot into goal but it curled away past righgthand post

9.33pm:  Miami calls to tell me that about a minute ago RAUCHENBERG! was through on the right and Shaky was screaming for the ball on the left but RAUCHENBERG! shot, leaving Shaky frustrated.

9.28pm:  There's no such thing as a two-goal buffer, but our two-goal lead has been restored!   Free-kick to Effra just inside the oppo's half; Dixon took it beautifully and the ball sailed to the far post where, you guessed it, Lex was there to head the ball back across and into the net.  Double figures for 2009, the boy is simply unstoppable.  And all this against a team that thrashed us 8-0 during our dodgy patch earlier in the year.  Still a long way to go, but it's been a while since we suffered one of our trademark collapses and hopefully we won't endure that fate this evening.  It doesn't take a football genius (which is jolly handy, as I'm not one) to work out that if we're putting Dolphin under pressure, we're going to be under less pressure ourselves.

9.27pm: 3-1!!!!!!!!!!

9.25pm:  More meaningless stats while I wait for The Hut to call again... We didn't score a single solitary goal in the whole of May this year, and only 1 goal from 14 May to 11 June inclusive, but lately we've been banging them in for fun!

9.20pm:  Links on for Spuds at half-time.  In the first half, TBALT came on for Elbows.

9.18pm:  Must be half-time by now?  That Lex penalty was his 25th 11-a-side goal for Effra Academicals, taking him level with Shaky at 3rd in the All-Time 11-a-side scorers league.  His 9th of 2009, now 2 ahead of RAUCHENBERG! in the race for this year's Golden Boot.

9.14pm:  That was three goals in 10 mad minutes.  I'm exhausted.  Mind you, I am operating iTunes on the laptop while doing this caper on the Mac Mini.  I'm like Rick Wakeman on the keyboards in some amphitheatre.

9.09pm:  2-1.  Graeme headed off the line following a Dolphin corner, but we failed to clear the ball and the oppo promptly scored.  Tarnished the first half, but we're still in the box seat.

9.08pm:  Well, how much fun is this?!  Shaky through on goal, scythed down by a hapless Dolphin defender.  Lex Luthor, who banged in a terrific penalty for us last week, picked up the ball and, as they say, made no mistake from the spot.  2-0.

9.07pm: 2-0!!!!!!

9.02pm:  The last time Joe scored for Effra was 19 July 2007.  More than two years ago!  That's his 15th 11-a-side goal for us and takes him above Elbows in the All-Time list.  Proof that I'm no Derren Brown:  I was convinced LAST week that Joe would score, but I was a week out.  So, a long way to go in the match but the signs are that our recent run of good form is alive and kicking...  No complacency though, even from the safety of a dining room in Tonbridge.

9pm:  Through ball, their CBs a shambles, Joe wins the ball and takes it past them, clean through and blasts an unstoppable shot into the top left-hand corner of the goal.  Get! In!  Sene's goal drought is Ovah!

8.59pm:  1-0!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Joe Sene!!!!!!!!

8.56pm:  Miami Dade has joined Rushy and The Hut on the touchline.  Gutted that the three of them are still unable to play due to injury, but delighted to see this marvellous commitment, turning out to cheer on the boys.  Tremayne in particular is providing excellent support for the Coach – great to see.  Still 0-0.

8.50pm:  In the other Match Of The Day (Math Of The Day?), The Wife has passed her preliminary tests and been accepted to do GCSE maffs.  Good work The Wife.  Meanwhile, so far as I know, it's still 0-0 in Crystal Palace, and you don't have to have A level Further Maffs to add up how many goals have been scored so far.  What's zero goals divided by zero?  What's 40 per cent of zero?  Ask The Wife this time next year when she's passed GCSE maffs.  Between now and then I shall obviously be cutting out coupons from the back of cereal packs to help her get that magic qualification.

8.47pm:  I seem to remember that the last time I did this young Edward Christy Andrew Dade kept waking up and disturbing my live updates.  But tonight he's definitely out for the count, so full respect to The Wife for wearing him out.

8.46pm:  Fans of the Accies not conceding hatfuls of goals will be pleased to learn that John "scored about 3 goals against us and then 5 goals for us" Lizou is NOT playing for Dolphin Riders this evening.

8.42pm:  "Unlucky Joe!  Unlucky... Well won Joe!"  So says The Hut on the touchline, in between telling me that we could/should have scored in the first 5 mins when Elbows had an attempt of some kind and RAUCHENBERG! blazed over the bar from 6 yards out.

8.37pm:  The Hut has texted through the starting line-up... Coach is in nets (wonder where Lee is this week?), Elbows is at RB, Gobby and Bazza are the CBs and Werewolf is LB.  Spuds is RM, Dixon Of Dock Green and Lex Luthor are CM (has there ever been a central midfield with less hair?) and Joe Le Taxi is LW.  Up front: Shaky and RAUCHENBERG!  The bench is being warmed by Dangermouse, Sam, TBALT and Links.  Folks (who am I kidding?), more info as we get it...